Lifeline from God

No land in sight... but not drowning anymore

Art done in MS PowerPoint.

The road to somewhere

Have you ever had a "religious experience"? I mean, that distinct feeling that God is moving in your life and talking to you through other people? I've never had one until this weekend.

Last Friday I said things that really, really hurt someone. It was like my inner bigot decided to come out and have a party. It's a miracle I was even forgiven.

Even so, the Saturday that followed was possibly one of the worst I've ever had in my entire life. Weeping my eyes out in shame and guilt, you know? At dinner with the family, my sister asked me, "Are you sick?" I guess I looked really bad.

The worst part of it is, it was my own fault. There's nothing worse than that. And of course I've lost that person's trust.

And then at Mass the next day, failing to catch the 7:15 AM one at Don Bosco, I heard the one in our condo. And the priest's homily went like this, "Words are powerful. They should uplift and not destroy," exactly like someone was chastising me. You might think that's a common enough sermon to hear, but considering that the Gospel was about how Jesus drove a demon out of a possessed man, it was only slightly related to the literal meaning of the passage. Plus, it was delivered by a priest I usually feel weird hearing mass from, well, because he always seems to insert some self-congratulatory reference in the homily. And yet, and yet... he was the one who spoke the words that reached me, for the first time, in a long time at mass. So it seemed all of a theme. Speak gently. Amazing things can come out of the most unexpected people. Never judge too quickly.

And it was amazing. To hear God, even if it's just to hear him say, "Yeah girl. You have been bad." I actually felt slightly better.

It's going to be a long road. I don't know when I'll reach the end of it. But I remember a prayer I was praying some time ago and realize it has been answered. And the lesson learned from that is that next time, I should clarify what I'm asking for.

And the other lesson is that at the end of this road, there is a beautiful clearing.